Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Are You As Mixed Up As I Often Make People?

 Everybody who is anybody probably already knows all about the Extrovert/Introvert dilemma and the various tangents different people can go off on.

 I've always considered myself an introvert... but people who meet me shake their heads in disbelief and practically call me a liar when I share this small fact.

   I understand what makes them respond this way, but the fact is: I've put a lot of hard work into my "out-going personality" and friendly smile.
    I enjoy people, I really do, and I love to have deep and meaningful conversations with old friends and new ones alike.
 But I've always felt no one really understood me... including, sometimes, a sneaky feeling that neither did I.

  So I was very intrigued when I learned about the alternative category of Ambiverts.... this was decidedly me.
 And now I've run across a blog post on the Introversion Effect that basically sums me up!

19 Struggles Of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Introverted

So, what say you all? Do resonate any of these "struggles"?


Kendra E. Ardnek said...

I have the opposite problem, incredibly shy but actually an extrovert. My sister, like you, is an outgoing introvert.

A lot of the issue is the misconception of introversion/extroversion that most people have. They think that it's measured by how easy it is for you to talk to people, but it's not. The true indication is how much you NEED to talk to people. For extroverts, we have an insatiable need to talk to other people and connect, while introverts value their solitude and are energized by their "down time."

I wrote a blog post about this in October (I believe) of last year, so it's a topic I'm a bit passionate about.

E. Kaiser Writes said...

Haha, Kendra! How can you cope with being a shy extrovert? That must be awful indeed!!!
At least I know why I want to master the art: when I'm forcing myself to be brilliant at discoursing with strangers... I know that I can go home at night and watch the moon through the window and relax. ;-)
Really, how does that work for you? I'm very curious! :-)

Kendra E. Ardnek said...

It is frustrating. Thing is, my shyness actually comes from my extroversion. I have such a high need for the connection to approval of others, and I've been burned several times, that I've become very scared of making the wrong first impression on others.

I filter most of my extroversion through my writing and blogging. Though the internet I can kinda stalk a person until I feel comfortable enough to introduce myself (or you just happen to do it, something I'm always welcome to.) It's not the best solution, and it doesn't always work, but often it's the best I have.

I am getting better at talking to people, as I've been purposefully putting myself into situations where I have to. And, actually, once I get past the fear and am talking to someone, I can talk their ear off ...

E. Kaiser Writes said...

That sounds like a tough one. ;-) But, maturing is the process of figuring these things out and gaining balance, so take heart! I'm sure you'll get it working better for you with more practice.
Too bad practice always seems to take so long! ;-)
By the time you hit thirty you'll probably have it down pat! :-)

Hannah Scheele said...

I have always found that particular way of describing people--introvert, extrovert, ambivert--to be a bit limited. For me...I don't know...it just doesn't seem to express how many different people actually exist in the world. 3 words aren't enough to cover so many personality types and character developments, imo. :)
So...I know why you think you're both extroverted and introverted. Cuz you are. But I never think of using those words, cuz they don't make PICTURES for me in my mind of the specific person involved..
Even the learning style stuff--Concrete Random, Abstract Random etc--is only 4 terms.
When I think of you, I think....Strong feelings. Feelings that make you speak up and reach out..and feelings that make you recede and shrink from what might be insensitive outsiders...
I think of people as like colors, and nature, and plants, and foods, and types of music..
One extrovert might be more a YELLOW person, and another extrovert strikes me as more RED. And when a person strikes me as colorless..I get worried. ;)
Like, if we were dogs, you'd be a fluffy big one, with lots of fur-and I'd be a tall, brown one, with long legs. That kind of thing. And Amy Adams is a little yellow bird---and Iron Man is a jaguar in the jungle, smug and vain and photogenic..
Anyway, that's how I think about personality types. Maybe the purpose of fiction is to explain to the readers who they are! Like, you figure out who you are in the story, and if you're a good guy or a bad guy--if you're a Jane Bennett or an Ellidyr..
Random thoughts.
I totally relate to your admitting that you sometimes weren't sure if you understood yourself..I also have to work at understanding who I am, and where I stand, and face up to how other people really view me. It's a long process. Sometimes it seems to me we will never stop learning..I'll probably be figuring myself out when I'm old! lol
Fascinating post! :)

E. Kaiser Writes said...

OH, Hannah!!! I read your comment and almost started crying! How can you know me so well... when people I see in real life for months seem to have no clue? :-)
You are so sweet!

But I had to take a break and get some distance before I replied to it, you hit so close to the target!
I am as you said it... and sometimes it feels like all the feeling will be the very death of me. There have been times I've literally wished I could just pop off and die instead of going on, enduring the barrage of emotions buffeting me inside.
Because I am so feelings-based, I actually take "real world" things rather lightly, so things like dying or such doesn't bother me in the least. (I know where I'm going, so why not? ;-) )
Many family members have expressed deep uncomprehension of this part of me... "You're so weird. You get upset about things no one understands, but then things that Should upset someone; doesn't upset you."

I try hard to keep digging in my own understanding of self, because armed with understanding I have more of a chance at directing myself!
But I think you are right, we are always growing and changing, so should be prepared for a life long effort! :-)

I like the way you describe the colors. :-) Not sure, but I might be a blue-white-possibly-a-bit-of-lavender type person. ;-)

Thanks so much for commenting!!! And thanks so much for being a wonderfully understanding on-line friend! :-)

Hannah Scheele said...

No problem! ( hugs) I'm touched that you cared about what I said! :) That makes me feel loved.
I know you from your writing. The stories of an author show her character as much as anyone else's. Anyone who REALLY knows how to read books knows the author by the time they finish reading. You are my dear friend, just like JA and C.S Lewis and all the rest are my dear friends. You are there when I read your books and when we talk. :)I have always known you were emotional person--and I value that. I think emotional people suffer more in life sometimes, but they are the most awesome kind of person. :)
I know---sometimes the stuff that makes you sad may not make sense to other people, and stuff that would be scary to most of the world isn't all that disturbing to you...feelings are weird that way. I felt that way when I rescued Lucy....you know how heroines in books are always gagging and vomiting when they see blood etc? I'm apparently not heroine-material--cuz, while I was disturbed in a deep way, I remained calm and didn't feel at all like vomiting.
People are unpredictable, I guess. :)
The evolution of the soul is such a long, epic process...and it does seem to me that some people have a harder journey to finding themselves than others.
But sometimes I think people KNOW who they are, in a primitive way, when they're kids--before they become artificial, self conscious adults, they're naturally attracted to some things and not others. And remembering who I was as a kid as helped me remember who I am now.
And yet...I wouldn't go back to the way I used to be. I've changed so much from even a few years ago..and for the better.
Maybe on my deathbed I'll finally grow up! ;)
Yeah....blue with purple is good for you...with maybe some bluish-green? The color of teal--of the deep sea..maybe?
Maybe I just think that cuz I love bluish green.
No problem. You are a gift to me and make my life a cool life. :D It's worth it to comment!